i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
