We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
