Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
