what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
