I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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