i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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