Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
