I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
