fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
