THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
