You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
