Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
