i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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