do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
