I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
