he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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