areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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