Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
