i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
