After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
