when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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