I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
