just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
