problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
