i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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