I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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