Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
3pm strippers are depressing
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
