We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
