I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
