It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
