at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
