just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
