Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
