My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
