you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
