I am spending my child support on dildos
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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