I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
