apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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