I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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