I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hello my rib-scented angel!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
