Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We left the knife in your bed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
