Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
