He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
