wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
