Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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