..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
