I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
