I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
