So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
