I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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